A Blithering Literates Life

For those of you who don’t know, Terry Pratchett is the Jonathan Swift of our age, though given a sharper satirical edge (if you can believe that) and liken to Tolkien in his mythology, though the trolls all work for the establishment and help run the bureaucracy as opposed to dissembling the establishment and other peoples chest cavities.

An interesting fact pertaining to Pratchett:  He is the most popular author of our time behind Rowling and all her wizardly drivel.  I say “drivel” because I really don’t see the appeal in all that time locked, medieval, wizard, witch, and elf business, say for Tolkien and Pratchett.  The reason I enjoy the latter is that it takes a subject that most people are so serious about and adds a sense of humor and wit unequaled in our modern world.  And now I’m rambling and repeating myself, so I should just shut up and roll the clip.

I’ve got this vandal friend, see.  He likes to wreak havoc on things and play “Guitar Hero” and the like.  Recently I spent some time with him and got a chance to bang away at his latest purchase apt to simulate rock stardom and wake up people who may be asleep in the immediate vicinity.  Mind you, these fake drums for “Rock Band” aren’t nearly as loud as real drums - I would know because I actually play real drums quite well - but they get the job done and, despite slight position differences and impact sensing issues, are good at reproducing the drum kit experience.  It’s a lot different in terms of noise, but I have total approval for the device because it adequately trains rock star wannabees in the art of banging on heads.  Unlike the guitar controller, with it’s Simon Says style matching game play, the skills developed on the  pseudo drum set will actually translate to real musicianship and is thus a great support for music everywhere.  “Rock Band,” you have my approval.

That is the eternal question, I suppose.  Who cares enough to dedicate their sight to the world.  I’ll tell you who.  Watchmen.  That’s who.  Ever since it was suggested to me by my trusted idiosyncratic friend who exposes me to all sorts of foreign films and what not, I’ve been morbidly fascinated by it.  More specifically, I’ve viewed it’s metaphoric overlapping of narratives and stark, candid characters among the best in all of literature.  The brilliance of Allen Moore as a writer makes me and all the hopelessly variegated scribblings seem like kindergarten explications about how brown mud is.  That might actually make a good premise for a poem.

Sorry, I’m getting a bit off topic.  My point is that “Watchmen” is great.  So great that when I heard it was going to be made into a movie I peed myself.  Lucky for me I was on the can at the time, so there was no damage done for my friends to ridicule me for, but never the less, involuntary pizzle is what I experienced in my excitement.  Of course, after I heard that it was Zack Snyder (most recently noted for that slow motion shirtless excuse for a dramatic action film “300″) who was directing Moore’s opus, my pissing excitement dropped down a little.  I figured that he couldn’t cock it up too much though.  Watchmen is written and animated so well as a comic, you don’t even need a storyboard; it is a storyboard.  All that’s needed is a couple of competent actors and the ability to read and translate what Moore already laid down to the silver screen.  There is one thing I forgot about Hollywood and that is that it is a bunch of uninspired pillocks that turn everything they touch into shit or, rather, apple sauce.  I say this because, hearing that Snyder was going to change a few set pieces in an already perfect narrative, I came up with this interesting little adage.

When life gives you lemons, don’t make apple sauce.

It doesn’t really matter how much Snyder screws this story up in his tired, action packed, Hollywood iteration of a classic piece of literature.  I’m still going to go see it on the first day, as should you.  It might not be as good as the comic, but it’s still going to be Watchmen.

Well, you may have noticed that they’ve gone and remade nearly everything that has ever been created, for better or for worse.  Personally, I consider it for worse because, despite the modern day movie magic makeovers, these iterations of classic material suck.  I don’t think sophisticated words are of any use when describing something as awful as remakes.  Don’t get me wrong.  Just because something is a remake doesn’t mean I automatically hate it, but it does make me automatically critical of it.  This is because a remake has to stand up the the material it’s attempting to pay homage to. This is rarely the case because Hollywood is filled with morons who don’t have any concept of explication or narrative.  They do, however, know how to take something good and fill it with CG Spackle and explosions.  Not everything needs all that crap.

I don’t really feel like droning on about the story of “The Day the Earth Stood Still” in detail.  I would rather you just went and saw it for yourself.  I will give you one hint as to the nature of the story (other than the words “it’s really well made.”).  McCarthyism.

If you haven’t heard about “Free Hugs” then allow me to enlighten you in the fires of  this Internet induced activity.  The “Free Hugs Campaign” was started by a Sydney native named Juan Mann.  His story is a fascinating one of heart ache and other cliche tag lines and one that culminated in the world wide phenomenon that is “Free Hugs.”  The story is presented in detail on his website:  http://www.freehugscampaign.org/

The idea of giving free hugs has gained quite the following.  I wasn’t privy to the global effect it had until I saw that one of my high school friends was a part of a similar campaign in my hometown of Seattle.  She’s can be seen in this video giving free hugs to passers by in Pike Place Market.

Though the song in the background rings just a bit sentimental in my cynically viced head, I consider the idea of free hugs  marvelous gesture.  Most people today are too closed off from their fellow human beings, which is an ironic statement coming from a introverted word weaver like myself.  However, I appreciate a good hug every now and again and so does everyone, assuming you aren’t completely emotionally barren.

Symphoniacal is a musical experience that has been compiled and secured on the threads of the world wide web.  It’s motto is “Sound Occupies Space” and rightly so.  The scale of this medley of great themes is staggering.  Despite it’s epic connotation, it streams without buffering, even on a sluggish connection like mine.

You’re probably asking, “What kind of music is this epic masterpiece composed of you blithering callipygian Adonis?”  Well, good people, I’ll tell you, though you should probably be finding out right this moment by going to http://symphoniacal.com/, instead of reading my ramblings on the subject.  Go on and do it.

Your still here, eh?  Well, I will say this about it.  It is an arrangement of the greatest musical works by the greatest musical minds of our time.  You’ve likely heard these songs before in context, but not noticed them for what they are as standalone material.  The works of Danny Elfman, John Williams, Hans Zimmer, and many others are all well represented and, believe me, if you’re tastes are anything like mine, you won’t be anything short of mesmerized by what you hear.  It’s a listening experience and so it can not be explained with words.  You must hear it to experience it and know that awe that only Symphoniacal is able to bring.

So, I was once advised to just consider everything on the Internet as shit until it could prove otherwise with a handy ethereal certificate of “Not Shit” or something.  This is because the Internet lacks quality control.  This can be easily illustrated by looking at any number of comments below the videos posted on YouTube or MySpace or, indeed, the videos themselves.  I once saw a grown man dressed in a not very well fitting cat suit play piano - very terribly after drinking a cup of milk like a cat - on public television.  This was before I had an Internet connection and this was also about the time that I decided that television was a massive drain on my life and decided to just not watch it anymore.  I still catch glimpses of flickering squawk boxes at my friends house’s and such and am now very aware of the dangerous and hypnotic power that television has, like it’s got a plate of fresh chocolate strawberries in front of it with a sign that says “Please, sit and enjoy.” 

Sorry.  I’ve been falling further off the precipice of this post’s topic.  My point is that there is shit all around us, like being locked in a septic tank, and it’s hard for us to find anything truly good among that sea of egesta.  That’s why I feel the urge to share the good things I find with the public because I’m sure there’s at least a couple people out there that quest for something better as I do.

I’ve never been into silent movies, so I didn’t really know much about Charlie Chaplin, and I’m not really into psychedelic rock or rock in general, so Muse is news to me.  It took a new Watchmen trailer for me to find this video.  When I saw the trailer I thought, “That music is really cool, I wonder who does it,” and, working to answer that question, I found a not so useless comment that named the band responsible as Muse.  I then searched for Muse on YouTube and eventually found the song I was looking for, “Take A Bow.”  When I scrolled down the search results, I found a clip with a description that said it also included Charlie Chaplin’s “Emperor Speech.”  I never knew Charlie Chaplin did anything with spoken dialogue and was further intrigued by the subsequent images from “2001: A Space Odyssey,” “A Clockwork Orange,” and several other horrific and mesmerizing clips.  Let me wrap this up by saying it was a very stark portrayal of the brutality of man that ended with one of the more inspiring speeches I’ve ever heard.  I heartily recommend it and would like to thank Morganiser for creating such a poignant video.