Dec 24 2008
A Shoe in the Hand is Worth Two at the Bush
Time for me to jump on the popular media band wagon. It’s truly astonishing what cocker spaniel piddle passes for news these days. Kanye lip syncing. A Hilton coming out of her fourth rehab session and then getting smashed at the bar adjacent to the rehab center. Donald Trump having hot, flabby sex with Rosie Okay I’m sorry I even endeavoured to make up that scenario because now my brain is filled with images that I must later remove with an ice cream scoop. Anyway, my point is that even made up stories like the one I just scared you and myself with can be broadcast live from news room eight at nine and receive perfect tens in the anals of journalistic artistry. (And yes, I mean “anals,” not annals, because most of this shit deserves to go back where it came from.)
Sorry, I’m getting worked up and off topic. What I’m really here to snarl at is the recent story involving G.W. Bush and his attempted assassination by a very angry pair of shoes. I understand that it’s seen as a heinous insult to throw ones shoes at somebody else and I congratulate Bush on his quick reflexive dodging of both pieces of insulting foot wear, but what I don’t understand is the secret service.
If I was the president, I would fire every dark suited, gun totting, Ray Ban wearing black jack jockey that was on duty that day and fire them (out of a cannon [into the sun]). Okay, sure. They checked everyone for lethal devices and didn’t expect the man to throw his own shoes. I understand how he could have got the first shoe off. What I don’t understand is why there weren’t three former football scholarship marines on top of the guy before he could scream, take off his other shoe and overhand it at our illustrious president (emphasis on “ill”). Those bodyguards should have been on top of that guy like high blood pressure on Lewis Black. Let me just end by saying good job SS (Nazi joke) and congratulations to the maker of ballistic brand shoes: when you want to huck foot wear at an authority figure, use only the best. BB Shoes.
